[Kaderin Triste]

Just realized right now, about 15 min before I need to be out the door to work, that my phone hasn't charged at all even though it was plugged in all night and is only at 19% battery. I should have double checked it was charging before I went to sleep. Sometimes it does this and idk why.

[Stabbsworth]

having to deal with a friend's alcoholism. worth noting is that he's sixteen.

i didn't ask to become a free therapist, and in no way am I FUCKING QUALIFIED FOR THIS SHIT!

[Merskelly Metalien]

;U; My heart is hurtin'.
</3
Feels like a heavy iron ball is crushing my feelings into goo.
And I did this to myself.
;U; Why? Why do I do this to myself??

Spoilers for swear-y Rant of Depression

(Cannot stop thinking about my trauma suddenly and all of the self-hatred is coming back out of nowhere. And it's turning into heartache, fury, regret and contempt. Fucking hell, I am doing it all over again, and I'm not stopping it. I'm literally falling off the damn horse.
Something reminded me today of my abusive ex friend and something else reminded me that I may have to find another mental health professional since my medical insurance has changed. Yet another thing reminded me that I haven't gotten any texts from any of the friends I had tried connecting with again over the first three months of the year...
Now I am remembering the bad times I had in high school and my body is being reminded of how little I took care of it, and how I prioritized someone's overall wellness and health above my own for the sake of religious creed. Now because I have suffered for it, I have no faith anymore, and I absolutely hate myself for trying to be a good person and failing myself in the process. I starved myself of all that I needed, just for someone else. And that someone else used me like a tube of toothpaste, squeezing me down to the last bits, slowly. And when I left, I felt like I had been a total fool, because in the end, she wasn't even worth the effort of picking up a pencil for her. And yet, I gave her my life...and it tore me apart. I feel the damage that she had done to me, so many years ago. It still hurts, and I want to scream about it, but I won't. I'll keep quiet like the caged animal I know how to be...
Oh, and of course I'll also put my best foot out while visiting hours are in effect. Just so I don't have to show anyone my scars or have to explain the complexity of my emotions. That's what I've always done. It's not helping me. It's not making me feel any better. But when I'm hurting this much, I typically find a way to express it, and try my hardest to release that feeling in some manner.
Anyways,
I'm real close to giving up on myself. This might be a nasty rut, but I'm sinking into it. I think the only thing that will help me get out of it has a slim chance of occurring. That one thing is expressed affection...)

And now I have dishes to do! <X'} </3 *sobs comically*

[Ava]

edit;

Oh my X'hal...
My memory is so bad, I forgot I already made a post about this in another thread.
x_x

I'm so sorry you guys! D:

[Stabbsworth]

can't get more of my acne meds because dear old mummy says so, despite not having the qualifications to even become a backalley doctor.

baaaaaah.

[Merskelly Metalien]

Hum.
well, apparently after taking several tests,
it appears I am moderately to severely depressed.
<|]
*nods*...good to knowwww...

[Stabbsworth]

Originally Posted by Voidbarker

can't get more of my acne meds because dear old mummy says so, despite not having the qualifications to even become a backalley doctor.

baaaaaah.

wakes up with a stye / spot on my eyelid.

it's almost like i needed my medication and this is giving my body a chance to end up resistant to it.

i'm no biologist, mind you. baaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAh.

[Merskelly Metalien]

Styes suck so much.
=~=; I sympathize.
Though I typically got those when I was losing a ton of sleep..
I would try putting a clean, hot washcloth, or tea bag over it to help get rid of it...took a few weeks tho. >H>;

I made a ton of dishes since I cooked dinner today... <|{
*siggghhhhhhhhh* let'sjus'gethissoverwiff...

[Stabbsworth]

yes, but the last one i've had lead to some sort of eye infection.

also it's abominably hot.

[Merskelly Metalien]

;U; These past weeks have been kinda hard.
Been isolating, wallowing in misery and eating less often..
;-; Tried to cry a few days ago but it didn't work. I think I forgot how..
;n; Struggling with my thoughts as of late, so I can barely focus on anything else...like,
"But what if they actually didn't like my minestrone soup, and they're just being polite??"
"Where could I go that is lonely and semi-dangerous?"
"I'm not going to get anything out of this, am I?"
and
"Maybe I'm actually annoying...and pathetic.."

[Espy]

Things need to be torched.

[Stabbsworth]

my ear tubes hurt, i'm tired of having to guilt trip people into reblogging my art, and people are dying because of a shitty justice system.

[Merskelly Metalien]

;-; I don't want to live in this country anymore...

[Stabbsworth]

i worry for people but my emotions are sort of muted right now.

[Derpy McBlueEyes]

"Mama made me take a baf."
Derpy sits in the middle of the room, pouting.

[Quiet Man Cometh]

My sleep schedule and sleeping in general. Also, the reason why my sleep is mangled. Just going to leave that aside right now.