[Xun]

Companionship is something we all crave for. To me, it appears as if you lack patience enough to find one on time. I don't know how old you are, but you should understand that finding that "special someone" takes time. Not only that, but you must also realize that we're not "perfect," and yet we strive for such perfection in everything we do when it's unobtainable.

Things happen every day and we must be more than prepared for the unthinkable. Of course, going over people and being proud will put us down-- however, once you have the knowledge and wisdom with such a conflict, you will eventually be able to notice when it's necessary to pick yourself up and fight back.

If you truly are finished with life, so be it. However, it doesn't explain why you're still alive in the first place. I'm not compelling you to go and kill yourself, but I am going to say it won't be worth it.

You want to find a companion? Continue living.
You want to see a change in the world? Continue living.

Because once you die, it's all over and you're unable to see how much of a change the world has gone through.

In any case, don't worry about being unorganized. It happens to the rest of us. Do what you see is necessary, not something you want. I'm sure you'll come up with a mature enough decision.