Son of a Shepherd. Back in older country....
 

Back in old country, I and the Gostabah family would rake in harvest every moon then pass out radishes to all little children in small town. It big honor for humble radish farmer, yearly would have wives play rock paper scissors for a chance to share joy and happiness to all children by being radish tosser.
The tosser didn't only share radishes but also potatoes and delectable onions.
But dis is not older country, dis is forum media website. With the 'puters, key-bobs, and little mice who eat cheese if you not looking.

So in honor of Radishpotenzialupiza and my Nana I the humble representative of old country shall host contest to become radish tosser. However dis be no tic tac toe game, dis be battle of wits and potentially death. Ah, but relax little gustabuddeyz death is less painful then horrible suffering and pain that is life.

So dis what do:
Der be big rocks in middle of somewhere dat I forget, first one to carry rock through scary dark forest that no one but dumb men name Rooster go because he drunk and knows no better and come out at the end alive win great honor of being tosser.

Many will try, almost no one will prevail, So who seeks honor? And most likely early death?

I do! Where do I sign up?

I like your vigor for death. I mean honor. I mean forgettaboutit.
In order to sign up you must trade 10 chickens for an ostrich, but this ostrich must fulfill most important qualification. It had to eat moose. But dat moose must eat 10 chickens.

Ostrich will be mighty steed for rock carrying.

Bluebird rolls for initiative.
I'll also have what the drunk Rooster is having.
http://puu.sh/ytF6U/03b14a68f4.jpg

Ah, story of Rooster. The story everyone never gets to hear but are somehow sick of it.

Rooster took 4 mugs of dragonsmead with 4 mugs of absolute. What good time, he died of poisoning. That is how you know is good night.

I am interested in your family's story. I brought ten chickens to hear more.

Okay, I fed ten chickens to the moose and then fed the moose to the ostrich. Then I traded ten chickens for the ostrich.

Now you have mighty stead!
Carry rock from Death Valley through Dangerous Forest and win great honor.

Aaaand may or may not lose life to Ostrich. It just ate moose, probably not most happiness right now.

Ah, my family story goes back many generations. So many generations in fact that we had to auction off history to greedy Housemen's who have no story.

Back in old country I had my Nana, Poppy, little sister Toluka, and big gustabah brother SHERLYWEATHERMANJETSON he was always numbah #2 in selling top music playing device, the Zony WalkingGuy. He brought much money and great joy to his siblings by sharing wonders of 'puters to my family.

My Nana help grew Radishes like her Father and his Father and many so forths. On day of tossing she would always bicker with Nosy Red Head Lady about who's goat looks more fat. Clearly our goat was most fat and would win any contest. But Nosy Red Head Lady disagreed. Much bickering, many funs.

That's a lot of generations, Illusion. We could sit around the fire while planting our magic beans and waiting for them to grow into sickles and shovels and there'd still be more to hear, I reckon.

*takes out radish and takes big bite*

Ah yes. I love speaking of other country and my family. Have you ever heard tale of my ancestor Rohhan and how he flew on a magic potato named United Airlines?

I hear great magic potato provided many delicious nuts as it flew Rohhan to many worlds. As young boy I would be inspired by Rohhan and try flying on potatoes too. But alas I never found magic flying potato of my own.

Rohann of the magic potato? I heard of a Rohann, son of Bob, brother of Ziggy, but he only flew on some... strangely shaped leaves.
I like potatoes. I used to like them more before a with doctor told me potatoes cursed me with dye... dye-a-beet-us.

Oh, you have the diabetes foretold by legend of my family. You destined to destroy little village of ants to save world from great evil.

Ants are most evil beings from great evil named Evil evily evil evilston. When my ancestors from way back in other times fought Evilston and won, Evilston became ants and plague world with many pieces of his dark matter. You must melt aluminum into ant holes and make great statues in order to show you will defeat all evil ants.

I thought I only needed the ostrich to sign up! :p-confusion:

NO! not the ants! They always come for my foods! My food isn't safe anywhere! Not on the table, not on the sink, not by the window... they're my old foes >:U