Losing my mind..
 

I have no idea how much everyone here knows, but a week ago I lost my Mom. I found her.. in her sleep, and since then, I've been an emotional roller coaster wreck. I have no idea what to do with myself, I have no idea how to think. I don't even.. Its been so hard. My mom was always all I had, and now she's gone.

I've barely been able to stay online for more than fifteen, or twenty minutes.. I'm losing my mind. I went from being a 22 year old kid, to being a 40 year old single part-time parent. My sister is being taken away from me by her dad, the whole house is empty, the chaos is gone. The banter is gone. Her laughter is gone. I walk through the door, and I see.. and it just hurts. I HURT.

I know I have people who care for me, and I know I have to be strong for my sister, and for my Mom, who would hate to see me fall to pieces. But at the same time, I don't want her, or anyone else to think I don't care, or that I'm cold. I'm shattering to pieces on the inside. I've lost my best friend, I lost the only person in this world who said she'd never leave me. And she lied, and she did...

Argh, I just wanted to say that if you don't see me around, or just see me lurking, its because of that, and because I don't want to bring people down with my sadness.

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry batty. =(

Hey Battz, don't do anything stupid, aight? Everyone will leave at some point or another; that's a fact of life. No one's going to think you're cold if you hold yourself together; shattering into pieces and being indifferent aren't the only two choices you have. I tend to take the former route, but that has affected me in other ways more than it should have, so I'm trying to teach myself to take a third road, one of caring, and caring about the other people who are affected.

Anyways, I went off on a tangent -- please just remember than we're all here for you, because that's what friends are for.

Things just get worse and worse, you know? I think I'm getting better, then something happens.

People keep telling me I'm far more strong than they'd be in my situation, and its just.. so much more than what I posted about up there. So much, in fact, I don't know how she EVER thought I was ready for this.

Well, Battz I can tell you from personal experince that it wont be easy, but what your feeling is perfectly normal and uncontrolable your mind is trying to comprehend something it is no where near ready for. The best thing to do is to stay in contact with people and try your best not to be alone surround your self with freinds and family who care and try to keep your mind of this problem. It will be hard, and at times you will want to give up but the key thing is to not give up. I myself gave up and almost fell into the arms of suicide its not a pretty picture.. Just know I am here for you as is everyone else and I am terribly sorry you had to feel the pain of losing a parent at a young as as i did... If you need me i am just a message or a phone call away your not a lone..

I love you to death as a freind, Hope to hear from you soon you are in my thoughts.

Love, Natsu.

Gods, it just seems like its getting worse..

You can do it though bats, I know you can ^^!

Since I just joined, you don't know me but I would like to say I'm terribly sorry for your loss. I lost a parent when I was young So I do sort of know how you feel But I also now everybody's situation is different. Losing someone you love is a difficult thing to get throw. No kind words form anyone can help but they can soften it a bit. Take care of yourself and take one day at a time.

One day turns into too many...

I'm slowly getting back to.. well.. whatever my life passes for as "Normal" these days. I have moments of absolute panic, and complete anger... but.. meh. I know things are never going to be the same. The glue that held my fragile being together is gone, so, I'm just falling apart piece by piece slowly. And its agonizing.

Bby just know that we all love you. Things will get better. It will never be the same, but I know that someday things might return to something close to normal. Don't forget we're all here for you, and if you ever need anything or just wanna talk, you can always text or skype me. Hang in there. ♥

I know YOU love me, Twiggu.

Everyone else, I'm not too sure about. =/

I do! ouo.. Although, I am sure I bug you by now trying to message you every day. xD

Not at all. I like it.

Well thats good to know x:

Haha, yeah.. everyones slowly forgetting though.
Incuding my existence. -shrug-