Asami's poetry AND trisphee parodies!
 

I'll be posting my poems here XD as you can tell i suck at intros

Aug 17 2012: added trisphee song parodies to my collection


Galls song:
Mulan- ill make a man out of you (gall- ill make a site out of you)

Out of the set you've posted, I think that The Lonely Girl and Like a Puppet are your strongest poems. These stuck out because of the clear images and organized text. Both are depressing, but also memorable and my favorites.

thank you ^^ those are two of my more recent poems
and i work very hard on each poem ^^
thanks for appreciating them <3

i only work well with writing depressing poetry XD

"Like a Puppet" is definately creepy, though some of the rhyming does feel a bit forced and doesn't flow as well as it could in my opinion. The poem that stuck out most to me so far is "My Last Breath," the last two lines in the first part particular. I do like the short stanza pattern in the second part. :)

yeah i just like rhyming. it helps me figure out my sentences better lol... i still need to name the other two. XD i havent figured out a good name for them yet. ;-;

I'm not fond of ryming(but that is personal preference). Your poems are interesting and thought provoking. The picture's threw me at first but I'm going to assume they are the pictures that inspired the poem. A favorite of mine is the "Like A Puppet"

actually the pictures just really reminded me of the poems lol

I really enjoyed your first unnamed poem. I rather like that it was unnamed, the ambiguity made it more inviting, struck my curiosity, so to speak. But the poem itself brings a very clear light on a very detached human condition, that we are our own excuses. My interpretation might be skewed, but I felt like the poem was a slap in the face almost, to humanities lack of ownership towards its own plight.

Theres more to it than that, but I really like the pink elephant view towards the human condition. It's true. We very rarely acknowledge that we are our own problem, that our own discomfort is simply a direct backlash of what we have created, despite our best intentions. That really, our fingers pointed should be fingers better used to mend.

Well... that's my interpretation of it.

thats exactly what i was going for! C: you are awesomes C:

Cool :D

This is more just my opinion, but... the second unnamed. I really like this one as well. There's two angels that can be taken from it, but really the completed image of the poem remains the same. It's describing fake people, AND its describing falseness. Not just describing the culprit, but describing the crime... Not just the victim, but also the wound. And it also can be read from either of those perspectives. It both accuses and victimizes the "individual" your describing.

It feels kind of like an hourglass. Not so much completed circles as it is two things at once. Ever seen that painting of the old woman and young woman, where really its just the perspective that you take of it? This poem has done that. It can be taken personally, or it can be seen suggestively and general.

I like that. It's awesome. Intended or not. Killing two birds with one stone, even if they don't deserve to die, is a feat.

wait do you mean the unnamed one or "like a puppet"
because that describes what i was doing with the puppet poem. i wrote it about myself and this situation i was in. this person who loved to control me and such. i dont like to get into specifics but that was written to get my pain out.

So, "like a puppet" seems very personal to you. "unnamed" 2 was what I was talking about. The unnamed one can take two different perspectives, both being outward, allowing the reader (not the writer), to really understand the perspective and kind of put themselves "in your shoes". "like a puppet" has a very sentimental feel, and a very personal view to it. It's the kind of poem that makes me feel as though I shouldn't dare put myself in your shoes for I really don't want to.

The second unnamed poem was more outward, "like a puppet" was very inward, but both take on a kind of dual meaning, which is very awesome.

And so, I really enjoyed "like a puppet", but I really enjoyed of it because it very much so captures you and puts it in words. It's a situation that can be related to others, but has such a sentimentality that it can't easily be duplicated. Its deeper emotional ties allow the poem to reflect on the readers experiences, while leaving a strong of personal sentiment that it can be taken and understood as extremely intimate.

That's the word I was looking for, intimate. "like a puppet" is very intimate. unnamed 2 was ambiguous and general, leaving a shotgun emotional pattern that is highly effective at relating to others and conveying a personal message to any number of people. "like a puppet" was irreplaceable, intimate, and special.

Not that either of your other poems weren't, this one just more so in particular. :)

oh i see XD thanks for clearing that up. it just seemed as though you were describing that poem rather the other. in unnamed 2 i was trying to describe the beauty of death rather than what you said. but its awesome that someone got that out of that poem. it makes me feel good that others have different views of my poetry.

Perspective is everything.

Yes it is

On that note I'm in the middle of writing a new poem.. though I'm having troubles ending it..

Maybe I can help?

Okay I'm trying on a phone so it may have typos xD here's what I has so far

Once upon a time
There was a little girl
Her life was a mess
She lived in a whirl
Everyone used her
For their own little needs
Nobody listened
To her cries and her pleads
Her parents ignored her cries for attention
Inside was a storm
Of hurt hate and tension
She tried her hardest
To get through the days
But they soon became blurry
She lived in a haze
Her life spiraled downward
Into the abyss
The hate and self loathing
She just couldn't dismiss
She tried her hardest
To get through each day



That's all I has done right now

Hmm, the rhythm is nice. I like where its going. The question really is does she overcome or does she falter next? She's either going downward or upward, which way does she go?

Try the word 'dismay'.

Downward definitely. It's based on my life.:/

hhow about the next part goes

the harder she tried
the more they would say
how worthless she was
she was such a burden.

Burden is a toughy. Certain... curtain... blurting...

Maybe certain...idk ill look something up.

Toying around with this one a bit. Its far from done but getting there

Liquid forming
The stains are there
Slowly etching new memories into her skin.

Burning up
its just too much
its hard to not give in

Sardonic smile
Toying at her lips
What she would give to start over

Crying out
Echoing off the empty room
Her end was closer

o.o poetry i need to read these

O.o did you read them?

Ive written a few new poems please give me feed back ^^

Turning her back
On all of her friends.
finding herself
At a million dead ends.
wrong choices
Building up all around.
beating herself
Into the ground.
Remembering all the
moments of her life
Shes just another girl
without a sharper knife.

-------

Why is it do you talk to me?
What is it do you see?
Why do you listen to my every single plea?

Why is it that you stick around?
Stick with me through smiles and frowns?
And through all the ups and downs?

Though lately I have felt alone
Like my happiness was just a clone
of the real me you have not known.

I wonder what you would think
of shiny scars shining pink
And all the tears on the brink

So I must ask once more
If anything I do you abhor
And if helping me is a chore?

I wouldn't mind if you'd go away
leaving me alone like a stray
Your happiness, I would not sway.

-------------

Beauty like a fallen leaf
Beauty stronger in its grief
falling faster towards the ground
Never making a single sound.
Waiting for the wind once more
To pick its dead weight off the floor
surviving even though its dead
Surviving because that's what it dreads.
Beauty here and beauty there
Its beauty is what makes it rare
a single leaf falling slow
Beauty no other has to show.

Hey you

I <3 you

Pshh that's not telling me about my poetry!

*read them all* I want more they power my muse ewe... *holds the poems like smeagol* The precious must have the prescious ewe... I absolutely loved all of these I cant even pick my fav... there all so amazing and touch the heart Your talented hun :-). I would post my poems but no one has even looked at my songs yet XD

Owo thank you<3
Wow that means a lot ^^

haha no problem ^-^ i think i might get my post deleted though no ones looking at it so no real point in havin it up :P

Idk if it can be deleted but I am sure it has been looked at.
Its just this area isn't posted in much...

Gally //clings
It is kinda sad though...

Yeah that is true...
Poetry and writing are just not that popular

That is really true x'D