Internet Social Anxiety (I Has It)
 

-takes a deep breath-

So, I've been around Trisphee for quite some time. Longer than the second 'e'.

Why, then, do I have so much trouble joining conversations, or creating them? Many of the people on Trisphee are people I know from other sites and have come to be friendly with at one point or another.

I'm not attempting to be emo in any way. I think all my awkwardness stems from myself, and by sharing it with you, I am hoping to release myself from the pressure of having to act "normal" in my attempts to make connections.

I seem to be having a lot of difficulty breaking the ice around here. Ever since we moved into open beta, I seem to be having a hard time getting chummy with everyone. I feel like I missed out on an important period (the late closed beta) and now I don't have the friendships that everyone else seems to.

In short, sometimes I feel like the group of Trisphites I am most familiar with are very tight-knit and I don't quite fit in with them as well as I did on other sites and in years passed.

So, my questions for all of you are:
-How much difficulty did you have getting involved in the community?
-Do you feel like such a small site is hard to become a part of because of the everybody-knows-everybody atmosphere?
-For other closed-beta participants, do you feel like the Trisphee experience is different for you than it is for members that joined after open beta started?

-How much difficulty did you have getting involved in the community?

I tend to have quite a bit of trouble myself. I know many members from other sites, but have also met a ton of new ones here. Yet even though I know a lot of the people I seem to have a hard time finding places I'm comfortable talking. I barely ever start threads because I find that they always die and honestly that hurts me a little. I'm really trying to open up more, and I'm truly wishing to be more active. I'm just having trouble with it presently.

-Do you feel like such a small site is hard to become a part of because of the everybody-knows-everybody atmosphere?

In threads when I first go in them I feel its hard to get into the conversation. For either my posts are missed or I've got nothing to say about the topic they are talking about so I don't post not wanting to take away from existing conversations....

Yep, I pretty much feel exactly the same way. Its kind of like being that person at a party that hangs out near the stairs, not wanting to jump right in the middle, but still hoping to get noticed by people.

Oddly enough, I'm really comfortable in large groups of people in person. I just lose all my charm over the internet. =P

-How much difficulty did you have getting involved in the community?
Uhm, not sure how successful I've been thus far, but I keep plugging along. Until someone tells me to back off I'll figure I'm still working on it.

-Do you feel like such a small site is hard to become a part of because of the everybody-knows-everybody atmosphere?
No, actually, I find it a bit easier. Yes, everyone knows everyone, but I'm part of that 'everyone' even if I'm not the first 'everyone'. (oh, wow, that sounded better in my head) Will I ever know all the members as well as the first 'group' knows each other? Nah, but I'll be meeting all the new people at the same time, so that's fair!

I look at most forum sites this way; I'm either here to enjoy myself and accept that everyone may not like me and I won't know everyone OR I'm here to win a popularity contest, in which case I might as well go home. That being said, I do find it hard to interject myself into long-running threads, even if I do have something to add. But, I often tell myself the worst thing someone can do is ignore me, and it won't kill me.

-How much difficulty did you have getting involved in the community?

Less than I thought I would, actually. I've had trouble fitting in on other sites, but Trisphee welcomed me with open arms. *nods* I've met amazing people here, and though I'm not the most active, I'd like to think I'm more active than I've been on other sites in the past. That being said, I still am a very self-conscious person in real life, which sometimes manifests itself on the internet.

-Do you feel like such a small site is hard to become a part of because of the everybody-knows-everybody atmosphere?

I joined after the second 'e' was added, and though it was still small, I had very little in the way of problems. I was forced to talk to everyone, and the forum was so small that in a week or two, everybody knew at least of me. Now I've been here for two years in August!

-For other closed-beta participants, do you feel like the Trisphee experience is different for you than it is for members that joined after open beta started?

I'd like to say no, but the feeling is different, mostly because the site is in a different phase of life. In beta, we had the small beta forum where everybody was forced to post, so we all had to get to know each other. Now, with all of the wonderful forum choices, I'm sure there are a few users I haven't welcomed to Trisphee (Welcome, if you're reading this!).

In the end, I understand. I'm a very shy person, although most Trisphites wouldn't think that I was. Online, especially in a forum as welcoming as Trisphee, I was able to push into the forums and make some wonderful friends. I hope to continue doing this same for years to come. *nods* If you ever want to chat, Zombie, you can always send me a comment, PM, or ask for my Skype. I don't mind chatting with users. :3

I'm actually quite the loner in real life...
I don't even really go... well.... anywhere
o.o;;

Zombie, I remember you from closed beta, and I'd love to chat with you. :3

I was the 58th registered member of Trisphe with one e, so I was forced into the community pretty early. I've had lots of trouble fitting in to other sites, so at first I just lurked around. once I felt like I knew other people, though, I started posting and people came to know me. [/creeper]
once I did start posting, I felt like I fit in decently well.

I can see how everyone-knows-everyone can be intimidating to jump into, but it also then becomes easier to eventually be one of the people who knows everyone.

I think the atmosphere is definitely different. in closed beta, I knew everyone who posted. I read every single post in every single thread ever, because it was that small that I had the time to do it.
now, there are plenty of people I don't know and maybe have never even seen before, and sometimes that's intimidating even for me. there's times where I feel really overwhelmed and will mostly lurk around instead of posting and getting to know people like I should. ^.^;;

.

-How much difficulty did you have getting involved in the community?

I didn't. But that doesn't always mean you're welcome anyway.

-Do you feel like such a small site is hard to become a part of because of the everybody-knows-everybody atmosphere?

It depends on what site. How people treat you and stuff. If they are willing to let you in. On Trisphee, not really.

-For other closed-beta participants, do you feel like the Trisphee experience is different for you than it is for members that joined after open beta started?

Nothing have really changed. To be honest. People are the same. New users don't seem to make a big difference either.

I realize that a lot of my problem with opening up and making friends is internal. I don't at all blame Trisphee or the community in any way for why I can't get involved.

My main motivation in creating this thread, as I said before, was in the hopes that expressing my anxiety would make it easier to deal with.

I really like Trisphee and I've enjoyed watching it grow and change, and I want to continue to do that. So I'm amping up my attempts to get comfortable here.

@ Lucid - I remember the days when it was easy to read every thread and every post as well. More often than not I ended up lurking anyway, but it kind of gave the feeling that there weren't any cliques. Not that I'm saying that's better than the way things are now, but it definitely gave the feeling that everyone was welcome to comment on anything.

I'm really glad to hear that. I know where you're coming from and I know how difficult it can be to get comfortable on a site. That being said, I'm almost always online and available to chat if you need to chat with someone. *nods*

Even though I was here when it was still Trisphe, I still have a difficult time getting involved in the community.

In closed beta, I was very active and I knew everyone. The problem is though, a ton of the people I knew very well in closed beta are now on the staff team (Lucid, DK, Ashurato, Annie) and it's so intimidating! O_o I told DK about it once and she claimed that they weren't scary... but it IS difficult owning a charity with two staff members and not really knowing anyone besides those two. ;_;

I think I would like to get to know everyone a lot more. If anyone wants to go to my charity, 10,00 Cat Paws and chat with me, I am cool with that. :3

It's definitely different than closed beta. We are still close as a community, but in beta EVERYONE who posted more than a couple times knew each other and it was just... easy. And we started boob pudding and sharpie wars in the couple stickied threads ALL THE TIME! D':

I agree there, Dem. It seems like the people I did make connections with have gone on to become staff and mods, and so being that I'm not either of those things, I feel like maybe I am on a different level. It seems kind of silly when typing it out, but it's just this general feeling like maybe I should've tried harder or done more so that I'd be more familiar or helpful now.

And like... I used to be in the top few posters and I had plenty of aurum, but now I am so behind on everything that it seems pointless to me to try and post much. ;_;

honestly, I don't even look at the top posters list anymore. I cared when I had a chance at being first, but now I'm... fourth. when did Nikko get ahead of me? holy cow. anyway, Lauv and Airi are also really high on the list, despite being relatively new, joining in late januaryish. it's just a matter of taking the risk and jumping in. Trisphee is really friendly. :3

I know it's very easy to feel that way, but staff is only a part of Trisphee. Users are a very important part of the site and without all of you, Trisphee would not be half the site it is today. Please, please don't think that because you're a user, you're not important. Those who contribute and keep Trisphee a vibrant place are awesome. *nods*

Sei's right. if we had only staff and no wonderful users, we would have no Trisphee! :O

! Fzz! Aw I'm glad to see you...
I understand what you're saying though, I've been here around the same time as you but I definitely feel at times like I'm on the outside looking in. There's a lot of conversations and things happening that I miss just because I can't post as much, so there's in-jokes and references I don't understand. And in-jokes go a looong way to gluing people together into a group or a community, I mean that's just the way it is. Shared experiences bring people together and when you miss out on those, it can be hard to find a groove with the group.

But I will always consider you a friend even though we didn't even talk all that much, but -- we had some of those unique shared experiences! ;D On another site of course but still MY ANALOGY STANDS dammit.

Well not very much, but that's when the avatar games were not part of forum games. While I don't mind the lower gold count I can't find the threads I once chatted in while playing. I just found it easier to chat that way than in hangouts for some reason. And when I am chatty, I chat... A LOT.

Not exactly. I feel it can be a hard place to become part of because if you don't stay close to someone you'll run out of people who'll get tired of you popping in and then poofing like I do. The guilt has consequently run me out of several sites.

I actually kinda force it.Then it comes a bit more naturally. If I see people chatting, I just post a simple hi, how are ya'll, and then see if anyone responds. If there is no response, then I move to the next thread, and try again. It works for me, but I'm not sure how it'll work for another person.
I use to lurk on another site, because it felt a bit clique at the time, but when I got to know the site, it wasn't as clique as I thought.

-How much difficulty did you have getting involved in the community?
------ I am still working on it! I am still dwelling on that feeling awkward stage, since I don't know anyone. I recognize some usernames - but still iffy.
-Do you feel like such a small site is hard to become a part of because of the everybody-knows-everybody atmosphere?
---- I do actually. But I hope I can merge in. It's tough at first. If you can't get into it, it's very easy to drift away and never come back. Sometimes joining a small group, while hard at first is a lot easier in the long run.

I still haven't found my little niche in the Trisphee Community, I feel. I joined during the war this past Autumn, and for a while I thought I'd found a nice little place in the Avatar Games subforum... but after it got mushed up with the other Forum Games... I feel lost.

I do often feel a bit isolated from other users since a lot of people seem really close. I'm scared to join in a lot of threads because everyone seems so close, and walking in on that would feel like going into some random neighborhood and crashing a stranger's pool party or something. I'm reluctant to start my own threads as well since I'm rather shy.

I was a member during closed beta, but I did not post much until after opening day. So, I only sort of know some people here. In order to find some place to fit in I wander around hangouts looking for a likely conversation. Then I post something something about the topic to introduce myself. If someone replies, I get to continue the conversation. I try to post in order to get aurum for items. Having monthly aurum items keeps me busy. However, since I go to quite a few sites, I sometimes run out of day before I make it to Trisphee.

-How much difficulty did you have getting involved in the community?
I don't think I'm involved yet. I don't really know where to start to become a part of it XD

-Do you feel like such a small site is hard to become a part of because of the everybody-knows-everybody atmosphere?
Well, on some small(or new) sites like Ruffles and Elidiun I actually managed to get in the community fairly easy. I think it's a matter of how comfortable I feel on the site. On Ruffles it's kind of inactive and the same few people are usually on so I feel like it's easy to join in. On elidiun it's new and while some people know each other from other sites the newness makes it easier. On here and ernya it's just difficult for me to get in to the community because, like the question asks, everyone seems to already know everyone. Like sometimes I want to go talk in a hangout or such but I kind of feel like most people in those are use to talking to each other. I just feel awkward joining threads that already have a lot of chatterers XD.

If anyone ever wants to chat, look for me. I'm almost always around and willing to talk, either on the forums or through PMs. I'm friendly, promise! :3

-How much difficulty did you have getting involved in the community?
To be honest Im not that involved. The forums are a bit slow so its hard to keep up with conversation.

-Do you feel like such a small site is hard to become a part of because of the everybody-knows-everybody atmosphere?

Somewhat at first. But when I get used to in on a site I dont have a problem posting.

I use to be kinda like that but, I got better over time. It's alot easier to talk to someone online,than in person. when it comes to making friends. I know I have bad anxieties in real life...more or less mostly just around crowds, or stuff i'm afraid of/don't like.

How much difficulty did you have getting involved in the community?
I'm not totally sure as I only joined almost a week ago. I still feel very outside of the community but I'm trying hard to integrate myself into it by posting a lot and trying to join and continue conversations. It's a bit strange to join a new site after stick with just one for a good 7 years.

-Do you feel like such a small site is hard to become a part of because of the everybody-knows-everybody atmosphere?
I think that it is hard to become a part of the site because of that kind of atmosphere, though that atmosphere may also be what is so attractive right now about the community. Kind of like I want to be a part of it but it's something that I'm going to have to earn. I Think this is probably going to harder for me because I'm not very internet witty, nor am I terribly awesome at roleplaying due to a year or two lack of practice and dwindling writing abilities in favor of visual language.

-How much difficulty did you have getting involved in the community?
mostly difficult

-Do you feel like such a small site is hard to become a part of because of the everybody-knows-everybody atmosphere?
not completely, just doesn't always know if what I have to say would fit the conversation

How much difficulty did you have getting involved in the community?
Honestly not very much. I love avatar threads so I posted there a lot and eventually talking happened...though now that it's not it's own subforum talking with friends isn't the same/easy as it used to be =( (Plus Juri is a major lurker and earns almost no money now xD)

Do you feel like such a small site is hard to become a part of because of the everybody-knows-everybody atmosphere?
It can be a little yes, but I honestly like it for that reason. Whereas on a big site there's so many people and sometimes they're just not online really. Then there's just too many to keep track of who go in and out of your usual places. x-x