Sad Clown Sanctuary
 

Well then, let me raise my glass to an amazing language!

Spanish.
Why, you wonder? Well...

http://i66.tinypic.com/30cwoj5.png

That is ugh
that is a lot of assholes XD
-raises glass- to the spanish language

Thanks XD
I may be back later with more stuff, but now I'm off to the supermarket.

That is fine and dandy XD
I got a little less then an hour before work myself =P

-Stretches out-

Okay, mine's bad - but here it is.

Son: Okay! I finished mowing the lawn!
Father: Alright, here's ten dollars.
Son: What? But I mowed the entire thing, and you told me I was being paid five dollars a foot!
Father: So I did.
Son: Then what gives?
Father: How many feet did you use?
Son: ...
Father: Two feet. Thus, ten dollars.
Son: ... -Takes ten dollars and leaves-

----------------------------------------------
Another one in the same vein:

Daughter: Dad! I can't figure this problem out.
Dad: What does it say?
Daughter: It says 'Suzie wants to start up a mowing business. She wants to charge two dollars per foot. Her neighbor's lawn is ten feet, by ten feet. How much should Suzie charge to mow her neighbor's lawn?'
Dad: That's easy. She should charge six dollars.
Daughter: Why?
Dad: Because it's one yard.
Daughter: ...

math and dad jokes at the same time D:
HOW TERRIBLE
I laughed more at the first one then the second though XD

How about chemistry jokes then?

I'm afraid however I can only tell terrible chemistry jokes, because all the good ones Argon...

Needs more dad jokes.

I don't know many dad jokes, but want to hear a joke about paper?
Nevermind, it's tearable.

Do you want to hear a joke about sodium?
Na.

Maybe a joke about nitric oxide then?
NO!

How about a joke about potassium?
K.

pffttt. Good one.

Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says "AU, get outta here!"

And and a sort of joke/rhyme I've always loved:
Johnny was a chemist.
Johnny is no more.
Because what he thought was H2O was H2SO4.

Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'd like some H2O please." The second one says, "Sounds good. I'd like some H2O, too." Both raise their glass to each other, and after drinking the second one dies.

...but wait - there's more.

Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'd like some H2O please."
The second one says, "I'll have a glass of water, too. Why did you say H2O? Like, I know it's the chemical formula for water and all, but it's the end of the day and there's really no need to intentionally over-complicate things like that in a situation outside of work."
The first chemist stares at his drink, angry that his assassination plan has failed.

It's a good thing I'm not the one running this thread, because I rarely ever laugh :|

a few of those chemist ones made me roll my eyes waay to hard >.>;

This one might not be as funny online as it is in person but...

Q: How does every racist joke start?
A: <.<
>.>

No the point was gotten across just fine =P
I had to re-tell it to my hubby

A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on an airplane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The girl, who was reading a book, closed it slowly and said to the guy, "What would you like to talk about?"

Oh, I don't know," said the guy. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff... grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

The guy thought about it and said, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the girl replied, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

ﾍ(=￣∇￣)ﾉ

ANOTHER!

A Roman walks into the bar, holds up two fingers and says, "five beers please!"

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.

I'm reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

A man walks into a bar. His friend ducks.

Alright, I will only make science jokes periodically from now on.

Instead, how about some useful instructions?

How to Mail Anthrax (have to put it in spoiler tags for obvious safety reasons)

I...wow...that punchline...

I...got no jokes at the moment, so I'll just be dropping banana peels across the thread.
*Drops peel*
*Slips on peel*
*Gets up*
*Drops peel...*

Okay, I raised my eyebrow at a few of those. Good job.

I have tossed out the tickets for these jokes XD
Why did the turkey cross the road?



To prove he wasn't chicken

Why material do you use to make a clown outfit?
...

Polyjester

haaaaa

All Gizzies jokes are dirty......



And I don't have enough soap to clean them up -.-

Naw but really my favorite joke is about a dog named $3# (3letters)
And the dog gets lost so the owner goes around town and tells a cop he's looking for THE WORD (the dog) etc so it looks like he is doing dirty stuff :D

I came. I saw. I was lame.

Now why was I lame? Well, it all started one November morning - you know how those cold snaps can really mess with people's minds, right? I mean, when I woke up, I was seeing a peach speaking on the television.

"A talking peach. That's odd," I thought, and continued my day. But, as I walked out, I saw more and more people wearing peaches for hats. They were holding up signs for the peach and really in the way for my job. So, I just kicked back and listened to some...oh dear gods, Nickleback...and prayed to get through it all.
I went to work, but there was nobody there. It was like the staff had prepared for some kind of imp-pocalypse. But, I ain't no slacker, so I set down at the desk, and started the daily job of moving one file to the other. Bored...so bored...

Anyway, I finished work and got into the car, only to find an imp in my car. The imp was extremely rude, as imps often are, and I asked him to leave. Being the rude - did I mention rude yet? - imp that they were, they responded with a series of epithets that I care not to repeat in public. So, we're riding in the car, when one of the peach-goers - an officer covered in peaches - gets in front of the vehicle. I lover the window to ask what the problem was, and the officer starts throwing peaches at the imp. Now, I generally don't do this, but the imp was incredibly verbally belligerent, so I complied with the officer, and let him drag the imp out.

Then I went home, to watch the news of an officer peaching an imp.