Anti Santa Squad: Meetings everyday until we take down the menace
 

Santa Claus breaks into your house, eats your cookies, drinks your milk, AND YOUR GOING TO LET HIM GET AWAY WITH IT? People praise him as a jolly old fat man because he leaves people gifts if their on his good list, or if your on his naughty list stuffs your socks with coal while still eating your cookies and milk.

This man is a menace to society and must be taken care of. All his elven slaves must be freed from this tyrant.

The first meeting of the Anti-Santa Squad begins today.

Topic: Which is more effective? A candy cane Gatling gun or poisonous cookies?

I like gatling guns, but poison cookies are a bad idea because my husband might accidentally eat them. And you know who they look at when the spouse dies! *hint hint*

Definitely go for the gattling gun. Kids might eat the cookies.

I a candy cane sniper rifle would never work, the cane is too big to fit into the darn thing. But a gumdrop sniper rifle is plausible.

But Santa's magical bag of holding could easily swallow all of our projectiles easily. We need to think outside the boss.

Perhaps we're thinking too big. Should we try and cripple Santa first by killing off his reindeer so he lacks an escape vehicle?

The reindeers flying ability is powered by Rudolf's magical nose. Rudolf is as equally as dangerous as Santa however. He's able to snipe and shoots laser beams, blinding powers with his light producing nose, and amazing prowess in physical activities which is why he was not allowed to play with the other reindeers when he was younger. So it would be better to take out the others first.

The reindeer always hoard together, it's rare if they're ever separate from each other, and when they are it's never more then a few feet.

I'd be careful of the reindeer...

Darn shotgun of doom...

You need to set a trap… Maybe a gathering of kids off the nice list? And a Crossbow will work much better for the candy canes, double sharpen the points and use the hook to hold.

All them Christmas wales!!

That does seem useful.

But we need a better distraction. You can't get kids involved, Santa could take hostages, or a kid could be hurt in the fight, or Santa might try and steal a child and enslave them to become another one of his "elves."

Fine no kids…. even ones off the 'naughty list'. We are just going to have to trick the reindeer into bringing him to us. Sneak attack it so Santa thinks everything is fine until WHAM! it isn't.

Hmmm

Could we use undercover Elves to aid in our plight?

Elves have no sympathy for us, they LIKE making weapons for Santa's evil plans to take over the entire year. Haven't you seen how they have invaded Thanksgiving? Soon it will be Halloween….

Not likely. Elves are children who we're mutated by Santa Claus's factory of pollution. That and their food is also enchanted to maintain their size because it's more manageable for smaller people to work in a factory. Becoming a elf also extends their life considerably a 100 year old elf is still considered a very young child.
I already collect Intel from the elves, they leave cries for help in the presents they make for children. I established a system and get Intel from various presents certain people receive.

edit: The system entails writing cries for help in invisible ink on the other side of the wrapping paper.

"I ignored the help of the Thanksgiving Turkey because it wasn't me, the Easter bunny needed help but I refused because it wasn't me, now that it's finally my turn and I cry for help no one is left to back me up."

Those are impostors to throw us off track.

Santa's ultimate goal is to spoil the "good kids" and having them grow into terrible adults that will destroy our society while all being blind supporters of Santa's reign of evil.

well, that's hardly true. Everyone knows Rudolph's nose is used specifically for navigation. The reindeer could fly just fine without Rudolph, but they wouldn't be able to see where they're going.

(For the sake of a crazy fictional plot, his nose is magical darn it.)

Was the poisoned cookie plan dismissed? How about evil cookies that are also poisonous?

That is genius! But once the cookies kill Santa who kills the cookies? Then what kills the things that kill the cookies?

I see this as a never ending attempt to stop evil. We should take matters into our own hands rather then rely on sentient poisonous cookies.

They are my loyal minions, why would you need to kill them?
Besides without the support of other classes of cookies they mostly just work as assassins.

In case they turn on us. *pats dagger on hand* That and you never trust a sentient cookie, they're related to the gingerbread men who are servants of Santa.

If anything we should team up with someone else.. Do you know the muffin man?

Isn't the muffin man Santa's main supplier of gingerbread?
But no i don't really know any other fighting force.

Exactly he supplies the gingerbread man. But he also gets paid handsomely to do so.

Perhaps we should pay him off to take control of the gingerbread man and change them all to gingerbread woman! Because as we all know, gingerbread woman are a thousand times more stronger then the men because they're baked with extra sugar!

All I can say is that I really hope Santa doesn't have a supersoaker full of milk, 'cause that'd ruin the cookie army.

THAT'S RIGHT HOW COULD I FORGET!

This is a man who survives on nothing but Milk and Cookies year round! Of course he will eat the cookies this plan would be fruitless!

Question! Is Santa the same man as all the previous rulers of this season?
If not maybe we can recruit some of them?

Take care you don't discuss plans with an elf infiltrator (on the shelf) nearby... then he'll know. :O

(Man, those things are creepy.)

The Spectral Glitterjellyfish are always an option. They come through the mirrors to shock you with glitter.

Hmm...or in a more festive mood - why not ally with the trees? Their kind have been opressed by this season, and my technology will give them the benefit of arms and legs...


Isn't Santa himself a alchemical accident, when Saint Nick and Odin fought and fell into a tank of Aqua Regia along with some Coca Cola, a cow, and a box of cookies and wood carving instruments?


Baby Law: Cookie-
Law: Not now!

There's always been one Santa. But your also might be thinking of all his mall Santa's, they're like preachers for his will.

Those things are a near level surveillance to Santa he recently came up with. *shakes* Their disturbing.

Glitterjellyfish sound good.. Please do go on.

And the trees.. COULD BE ON OUR SIDE! Especially pine trees. Santa has been committing mass genocide trying to kill all of them for centuries. The only problem is that the trees can't move from their spot... You know, because their trees.

I heard of rumors of how Santa's reign has started, that is a good theory nonetheless!

No i mean like first there was Odin during Yule in the pagan days.
First real iteration of Santa was Saint Nicholas of the church.
There is also Sinteerklaas and his buddy krampus that stroke fear into the hearts of the children of Europe.
Father christmas and grandfather frost legends are also connected to christmas and santa.
So i mean are those guys still out there because they don't seem to be Santa since their Modus Operandi vary so much from his?

Those past beings have been long gone. I don't know much else other then that.

We need a solid plan, killer christmas trees? They shoot off the needles whenever Santa goes to hide the gifts?

Razor wires in the chimneys?

But what if he starts sending down elves first?

They are collaborators, just as guilty as him.