its my first job ever. I've held it for over 2 years now, and I started at 11 an hour.

I hate water. it just tastes funny because of all the other crap I've always had to drink.

well my first real relationship last a year and a half and that was in high school.
then I was pretty much single for 3 years.
[a couple of, hey lets go out, and then me getting dumped a week later so I don't really count them since we only went out like, once. and one on again off again long distance thing... but that never really went anywhere. we just talked a lot. and then would stop talking. more friends then anything else]

then another 6 months with my high school sweetheart. and then we broke up. again

the 3ish months with the guy that moved to fast and fucked up his chances for life.

another 6 months with my high school sweetheart.

2 weeks of being single.

about 6 months with my high school sweetheart.

a week with my best friend, of 8 years, with him breakin up with me cause it was just to awkward, and he doesn't want to lose me. So lets just go back to "normal".... and he hasn't been talking to me since. not really.

and now.. I'm single.
with 3 exs after me.
tony being.. um.. difficult
and my sanity slowly slipping away.

I tend to stay away from situations that could put me in those positions.
I could handle myself. don't get me wrong.
but it makes me uncomfortable.

and I like to know who I'm with... before I'm with them.
I dunno... makes it easier on me to relax.
I'm not a good lookin gal.
I hate how i am, and how i look.
with all the issues I have... I don't think I would be able to enjoy the one night stands. I would just freak out during them and end up getting laughed at...

Wow. That's really impressive for your first job. What do you do?

The longest job I've held was about 2 years. Kinda miss it. I was a secretary at a hair salon. <3

Every so often I wish I'd had chances for more relationships or anything. Hell, I'd take two weeks and then it not working out for none at all. I don't know why people don't ask me out or show interest in me that way.

Tho' I have sort of a clue nowadays, according to some of my friends I've asked I'm intimidating. xD This awesome friend I have, his name's Sly, had a convo about that with me one night about looks and how people appear. (There was a drunk racist fuck at a party we were at shit talking muslims and that's my family heritage. My mom was born and raised in Egypt.) But I don't look arabic or anything like that. So we started talking about that and he told he was glad we met the way we did because apparently the census among the people I've met is that they're scared to come up to me because I just seem like this cool, bad ass tattoo'd chick who would think them un-funny or un-cool.

Hell, this guy I was with one night in the middle of sex while we were trying to get going was apologizing for something rather and he told me "I don't know why but you make me nervous."

>.< I JUST WANT PEOPLE TO SHOW INTEREST IN ME!

And I've taken martial arts and if a friend of mine was in trouble I'd beat some ass, but when it comes to me I just freeze up.

Oh hush I'm sure you look fine. And I can understand that side of it too. :3

I work for the post office.
^^

maybe you should try showing interest in someone?
or is there no one you like?

"I just seem like this cool, bad ass tattoo'd chick who would think them un-funny or un-cool. "

I'm intimidating as well. and minus the tattoo part, people think the same of me. unless they see a different side of me
cause I have a soft spot for.. the "unwanted? " the "fucked up" idk whatever you wanna call it.
when people have a problem. I'm the first one there. pulling them out of the dark. and keeping them sane, stable, and alive.
or I'm the one that just listens to everyones shit. and helps them through whatever. break-ups. losses. addictions. abusive situations.
I'm the go to.

and then guys start to fall for me.
cause they see that side.
and not the hard outer shell.
but they also don't see my broken self. the one I hide... really really well.

so that tends to mess things up...
a lot.

people should show interest in you.
you're fucking awesome.

*peeks in* o-o evening mizzy and harley ^^

o: Well bang up job on that. :3

There's no one I have around that I've really gotten interested in. Last time I felt that spark was... 3 years ago, well, it happened before that but end of july this year will be 3 years since his death.

And I never innitate anything. >.< I come off as confident and like I got my shit together but I just about qualify for social anxiety disorder. I self-medicate with other shit so I don't really take pills or anything. People make me nervous.

All of a sudden I really crave a boy toy.

That and when it comes to sex I've had to start being more careful, I've got a few nasty areas of scars that would put most people off of my body.

Yeah, I'm the same way. It's what gets me in trouble with these stalker type situations. I just can't turn away from people.

Aaaw thanks. <333 Making me blush. You're pretty snazzy yourself there.

Obbie; Evening luv. :3 How are you?

hey obbie, just a heads up. if you read anything i've posted. don't take offense. none of its aimed at you... I just know I can be 'harsh' with words sometimes... and I dunno all that i wrote..


Hels;

Thanks

I'm so sorry... I didn't realize..

" I come off as confident and like I got my shit together but I just about qualify for social anxiety disorder. I self-medicate with other shit so I don't really take pills or anything. People make me nervous. "

I think I just come off as cold and closed off, instead of Confident.

-giggles-
a boy toy?

scars from what if I may ask?

I can't turn people away either... and then they get mad when I'm to busy for them. cause I have a pretty busy life.. sadly
cause i really don't do anything.

and I mean it Hels, you are truly awesome and amazing. You deserve the best the world has. I hope someone sees that one day and give yous the world.

@Mizzy Its fine i dont take offense to anything im ok to own up to my mistakes >_>

@harley not much just wanting chocolate

Will type out full response in a second. Moving laptop to kitchen to start cooking.

Hallo, my loves.

-spins around-

I know obbie, I was just sayin, I'm not trying to aim anything at you... I honestly, don't remember half of what I've told Hels.
Thats probably why I repeat stupid things
xD

ello batty,

I think, I want art of that avi with my current
maybe I can work something out with Hels.

Will type out full response in a second. Moving laptop to kitchen to start cooking.

i need 3k more for my art funds o_o

its okay Hels, take your time
xDD

Obbie, then maybe you should sell runes full price.
=P

@mizzy NEVER I MUST LOWER THE PRICES =P

Shouldn't have said that.

-tackles Mizzy- Do you like my new avi? <3~

"ello batty,

I think, I want art of that avi with my current
maybe I can work something out with Hels. "

Yes baby, I love it.
I want ART WITH IT
xDD

Obbie; I can just give you 3k.

Mizzie;

It's all right. How could you know? I loved him tho', still do. The times I had with him are some of my greatest, it helped he was just about the most handsome creature I've ever laid eyes on.

I tend not to talk about it too much. Last time I did was about, less than a year and I was talking about how it felt and what I was going through and a person I thought was a friend on the forum just told me "You need to get over it." Like thanks bitch, I didn't realize that.

The tattoo I have on my chest, I don't rem. if you were there when we swapped tattoo pics in Batty's thread. Is for him. I got it at the same city/area/country that I got the phone call over him. He was murdered out in California.

Haha, I think both work.

And YES. A boy toy. Someone to cuddle up next to, with a nice firm chest, delicious arms and god given hips who will love on me, eat my cooking, and fuck me into oblivion. <3

Self harm scars. And I've got quite a collection over the years.

I had a guy like that, who I really cared about, still do, but he got into some dark weird moods if I wasn't at his beck and call, I had to sit by the phone one night while he texted me all angry and upset because I was having a night out with my couple about how he had a gun and was about to play Russian Roulette to see if god still wanted him around. One of the longest nights of my life. DB later admitted he has no live ammunition in his house.

Well damn. Now I'm just grinning and blushing and oh hush. I appreciate that tho', very much. Awfully kind of you to say. <333

Batty; HOLA BBY. <3 How's your day going?

Jesus christ, thank the gods. xD;

Do you know how badly matching these damn colors were?
-DIES-

My day? Holy shit.
A hell of a lot better than it was yesterday, for sure.

How about you my love love?

Well at least it's better in comparison. -pets-

And I'm alive. Haha. A few big dissapointments but fuck it, Sarah brought home a bottle of whiskey and I still have half a pack of smokes left. Can't really ask for more. xD;;

Boooze and Smokes <333
Lifes greatest stress reliefs.

Nah, ask Mizzy, yesterday was hell for me. ><;
And I'm still feelin' like shit about it, too.
-le sigh-

I got a lot of cleaning done today, donating a bunch of my really old clothes tomorrow, got rid of the last bits of Hermes that was still lingering around.. It hurt. Pretty bad. But I'm much better off for it.

I saw you post about that and gave you lovings but you just kinda dissapeared. <3 It's okay tho', things have been rough for you. -squeezes you tight-

You need a night of pampering.

Yeah, I'm so sorry about that! ><;
My mom up and wanted to watch an episode of Lost Girl with me, and gave me like, a second countdown to get the shit up and on the couch. xDD;

-squeezes back-

Its been rough for everyone, and my issues really aren't worth worrying about. <333

If anyone needs a day at the Spa, its probably both you, and Mizzy.

-topples in-

...Loving everyone's bright colors...

Espy; Hola. :3

Battybby; That's all right. I just wanted to see if I could help make you feel better is all. <3

And nonsense, if it's got anything to do with you it's worth worrying the world over. <3

Haha, I think we should just all say fuck it one day, road trip, and spend like a week pampering ourselves. xD

*poof back in* o3o

I STILL SAY WE ALL SHOULD GO TO THE MIDDLE OF AMERICA, AND HAVE A TRIS MEET UP.

Just sayin'.

And I love you, Harlotbby. <3 Very very very much. But what I go through is mostly insignificant self BS. =/

hels, I have a man like that in my life to.. but lost him in a different way. you don't just get over something like that. Its a part of you, and it always will be. There will be some ruff days, and some not so bad ones. but its never just gonna be something you get over.

I haven't seen it, do you still have a pic?

Cold and closed off?
I don't make friends easily.

-giggles-

tony offered to basically be that for me

I don't have any scars... not from that anyway.
every time I get close I remember the promises, they are the only things keeping me alive..

yeah well... I'm the "Life-Line"
Literally.

I don't say anything just to say it.
I mean every word.
I'm blunt and to the point.
and don't just string together words to make people feel okay.

You DESERVE the WORLD Hels.
I hope one day someone is brave enough to want more with you then just some time in your sheets.

maybe I can fly Hels up the same week obbie flies batty?

-sits her ass down for a ciggie break and the laptop- 30 minutes of simmering and it'll be done. That took forever to cook. xD But I'm such a perfectionist when it comes to cooking. -reads over thread-

-can't cook for shit-

I'm an AWESOME cook. <33

But it'd be nice if someone else did it for me. <.<;;
Even though I'm picky as hell. =/

Im a terrable cook >_<

Battybby; Sounds like a plan. xD

Well either way I'll always care. :3

Mizzie; Yeah. He was like... you know how you have that dream man in your head? He was it. He was oh god, muscular, just old school type of man, traditional male that I love. Played football in high school, had a tattoo and he made me a better person, made me always try and improve myself. He is the only man in my life I've respected or looked up to. If I can be half as amazing as he was at 25 I'm damn lucky. He helped me through some rough rough shit. Made me like myself a little, it didn't last but meeting him and having him care back for me and like REALLY be into me made me throw away my blade into the trash and I just started stabilizing a little bit and believing in myself and allowing myself to be emotional and maybe even open up a bit more to the world. God, he was just so fucking AMAZING. Beautiful in every way.

I remember when things got kinda heavy he sent me this song- Linkedy Link with the comment that he'd look stupid in a pink dress.

And this is the tattoo Also a linkedy Link.

There isn't a day that goes by where I don't wake up thinking of him and go to sleep thinking of him. I only have one picture of him. And nothing else to remember him by, except for a few message histories that managed to save.

When he died I drank for about 6 months straight, my friends told me later if I hadn't stopped when I did they would've had an intervention for me.

I'm a lot more open but I don't either. And I've grown to like you a lot well enough so. :3

Like I said, I'm living vicariously through you.

Yeah. Not my proudest moments, I already have one tattoo to cover up some, need to get money to get more. Some areas would be kinda problematic to tattoo tho' so dunno what I'm gonna do about that. xD;;

Thank you, so much. That made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I really appreciate you taking the time to say that. :]

I hope I find that guy too. Haha. Last time 'round didn't go so well tho but here's hoping for the best. -crosses fingers-

Also; on the being flown up there all at the same time. xD Sounds too good to be true! That'd be one helluva time.

---

I LOVE COOKING. <3 Tho' I come from a long line of great cooks so. xD; I think my genetics are cheating.

USERNAME: Mizzy
PRODUCT DESIRED: FUll Body, No Back ground.
AVATAR IMAGE: http://trisphee.com/forums/avatars/2...g?r=1337055810 http://i284.photobucket.com/albums/l...y13/lickme.png
DETAILS: on mizzys please keep the hair, the cane, the monocle, and halo. everything else change as much as needed.
Adding a deadline? whenever.
ANYTHING ELSE I SHOULD KNOW?: CREATIVE FREEDOM FOR THE WIN <3

-goes to add the order- :3

I think I've got my tablet fixed too! So the orange juice/vodka spill disaster didn't end up doing too much damage. Just gotta get it to stay connected and to wipe my working table down.

OH DAMN, HARLOTBBY.

I FORGOT TO TELL YOU.
I TRIED THE NEW REHAB EARLIER.

OHMYGODDDDDD.

You still wanna back up your files, though, especially if you have that many.

Espy; I will the second I get myself that second hard drive. I just gotta get the money.

Batty; I haven't tried it yet but Sarah has and she's addicted to them.

whenever you can get to it hels,
I can't seem to access my devi account to look at the tattoo..

I have one man that changed me forever..
and he knows it.
He helped me a lot in high school. but we're... just not...
so whatever

And you guy, most of what your saying brings tony to mind for me. in a weird way. not all of the finer points. but a bunch of them

like this part

"He was oh god, muscular, just old school type of man, traditional male that I love. Played football in high school, had a tattoo and he made me a better person, made me always try and improve myself. He is the only man in my life I've respected or looked up to."

I look up to my dad a lot tho.. so hes not the only guy.

I'm glad you like me
^^
truly I am.
most people don't

vicariously through me will only go so far
xD

you need to go out and get a man~

i'm sure you'll find him.
I know I'm trying to find mine too

and I might have money for it.
I'll talk with obbie and see when they are planning the whole flying thing.
lol