I mean, it /was/ the home of a djinn, until you so uncourteously cracked it open. It just got huffy and puffy and, well, it /is/ a fire elemental, so...

Why in Tamriel does this platform shoot up and crush its occupants on the ceiling?

It was supposed to be an elevator, but there was a slight cave in and all the rubble got stuck, making a new ceiling.

Why would there be a bottomless pit disguised as the floor?

Because it's the compost heap for the kitchen, but the head chef detested seeing the pile of leftovers so it was enchanted to blend in with the floor. There were railings, previously, but ownership changed and the new guys saw no need for a fence around a piece of floor...


And yes, I did the thing again where I missed that there were other pages in a thread. Sorry.


Why do the tiles on this floor trigger clouds of toxic gas?

Because they make funny noises, which causes the resident ghosts to laugh till they fart.

Um, what's with the carnivorous plant in the fun house?

Carnivorous plants deserve to have some fun, too! To be honest, that particular one got lost when its companion (who happens to be a little kid) ran through the fun house and left it behind by accident.

Why is there a nearly-invisible metal wire slicing across this hallway?

There used to be a flimsy fence there, but over time only one metal wire survived. Turns out that was the only good metal in the whole fence.

Why does a giant dome encapsulate you when you step into the circle?

It was meant to be a quiet studying space for the resident mages, but since the mages have been gone for ages, nobody bothered clearing the circle away.

What's the point of having a net hidden by straw that is triggered by you stepping in it?

Because the same apprentice that launched the anvil was working on the net hoist to put hay into the loft. He decided to make the mechanism work with a light tug but built it over-sensitive.


Why does opening the door cause a hidden door to open up in a wall and let a dual flail wielding automaton out that starts spinning his flails at me?

That was the early prototype of a combined harvester. The automaton threshed the crops to separate grains from their husks and thus made farm work a lot easier. Initially the dual flail wielding automaton was supposed to be released into the threshing room once peasants had stacked their crops inside and closed the door again, but there were still minor technical bugs to be ironed out. Then the engineer who worked on it had an unfortunate accident, and his succedessor thought the combined harvester project ridiculous, which is why it was never released to the general public.

Why is the castle moat filled with aqua regia?

The king heard of this thing called "royal water" and decided that he deserved the best. Upon discovering that this water would destroy his valuables (not to mention his insides) he then ordered it all thrown out and the unfortunate alchemist that gave it to him along with it.

What's that screaming and wailing sound?

It mdom after she got locked into a black and white world. Poor kid's in rainbow withdrawal.

This just bit me. Whyyyyy?

Because it was supposed to cut meat to pieces...

Why does that painting look like it's watching you? And why does a monster come out of it to ambush you when you get close?

Actually, it's not ambush. He's glad to see you. Fluffy's been guarding the place a long time, and he really thinks it's time for a cookie. You have one?

...This chair has teeth.

The unfortunate evolution of Discworld's sentient luggage. It was supposed to have been a convenience for elderly wizards, a sort of magical wheelchair-like device. Unfortunately, they didn't breed true, and the offspring lacked the original's wellspring of magical energy, so they have to turn to predation for sustenance.

Why can't I see anything in this room?

Because you have that green stuff and your hair over your eyes.

This murk from that vase is making my head spin...

It's supposed to be a potpourri. Over time it's rotted so much the scent has become deadly.

When your friend shook the possibly nefarious robot's hand their hand got a 3rd degree burn! What happened?

The High Ambassador of the Mechanical Nation is in dire need of repair to fix a faulty heating element, and regrets that they caused your friend harm due to attempting to emulate what they have learned is a polite greeting gesture. They will thusly be paying for your friend's hospital bills.

Why does opening this door cause a blast of icy wind and snow to freeze people in place?!

Haven't you ever seen a refrigerator before? I mean, this one's an industrial-strength one, but still.

What's with the perpetual thunderstorm?

Having it rain inside sounded like a great idea for the internal garden until the atmospheric pressure caused it to be an endless thunderstorm.

So, why would there be a room where not only do the walls close together, they have spikes on them?

The spikes are all that's left of a set of rotary armor polishers. Originally, the polishers were spring-loaded so that there would only be enough pressure to buff the marks out of the knight's equipment, but they've seized up from lack of lubrication, making them always apply full pressure, with no polishing pads on the ends.

What's with the convoluted number of steps necessary to open this door?

The Prince loved puzzles. He made complicated door puzzles with his friend and they would tease each other with them, seeing how long it would take to figure to open the door.


Why did this room seal off and start filling with water after we walked in?

It's the airlock.

Why did something yucky shoot out of the hole in the floor after you stepped on that button?

That's the automatic jelly spreader. The room used to be operated by people who would toast and butter slices of bread, and then hold them over the jelly spreader and another person would activate the mechanism to evenly coat the buttered side with delicious jelly. Though I suppose after so long, the jelly's gone bad...

What's with the lever that makes a flood of icky beetles rain down on you from above?!

You've found the feeding room for the lizard brigade. The mounts can get really hungry after a battle.

There's an inscription on the wall, but when you read the words, it explodes! Why would anyone make such a thing?

You have found a forgotten Temple of Stolidius. His passionate followers, who called themselves the stolidites, believed in the superiority of illiterate, analphabetic minds. Each temple had a holy wall, just like the one you described. It served as a proof for all those smartypants heathens that the written word indeed can be dangerous to anyone who dares to read or write.

Why is there a gnome with a halberd behind the door who attacks everyone wearing clothes?

(That was a really good one.)

He's the guard for the bath house. If you're wearing clothes, you're breaking the rules. Why a halberd? Because there's a history of people trying to get in to see the sexy gnome women as they bathe, and when you're a gnome a halberd is good for dealing with tall folk.

Why is this weapon cursed so you can't let go of it if you pick it up?

The owner didn't want anyone stealing his weapon, so he blessed the weapon to stay with him forever. That was good for him, until he died and the weapon still wanted to stay with an owner forever.

Why does a jack-in-the-box spring out and start attacking when you break open that crate?

It would have done that if you opened the crate normally, too. It is, after all, a jack-in-the-box. But if you had just opened the top, it would have popped UPWARD instead of shooting out at random, and then you would have been fine.

Why is there an eldritch tentacle monster roaming the area?

Because she's looking for her grandkids. They're playing hooky again.

Why does this floor slope when you walk on it?

Poor engineering. It was meant to be a suspended chamber so they didn't have to run pylons all the way down to the cavern floor, but the tethers aren't rigid enough to keep the chamber level when the load inside is off-center.

Why are we walking on the ceiling?

The original inhabitants always fell up. So it made sense for them to design homes with floors to the sky.

Why does pie keep flying into the face of whoever opens the door?

Well, back in the day, clowns weren't seen as scary at all. You can say it was a training ground of sorts for the new clowns.

Why does the ceiling rend when you continue to the next corridor?

It's an observatory and the ceiling was supposed to open up to show the stars..the contraption aged too much so now it breaks instead.

Why are there so many tripwires in this room?

It's a central maintenance chamber. Each of those wires connects to a different part of the castle, and a servant can pull on them to move things around.

Why is there a bloody altar to a dark god as the central atrium of the castle?

Actually, that's the goalpost for jello fights. It belongs to a bunch of Samuel Jackson fans.

Ticked off toothmonster chasing me after I tripped over that bone. Whyyyyy?

You touched his favorite chew toy! Don't worry. once he's got it back, he'll stop chasing you.

What's with the well that has tentacles coming out of it?

Those are live decorations. The people who lived here had a fondness for weird sea creatures.

Why do you beam off into space when you reach the top of the grassy hill?

The top of a hill is obviously the best place to build an interstellar teleporter. You need a clear view of the sky and as much elevation as possible, so the top of a hill is good, and you need to have no obstructions, so there can't be any trees or rocky outcroppings.

What's the kobold tribe going to do now that they've abducted you?

Use you to reach the top shelves that their evil master's been hiding all the goodies on.

The glass bridge ends suddenly?!