Well si bueno then. <3

My only advice for that, is a lot of booze, and finding someone as messed up as you. It's why me and her have such a good friendship. We've seen some shit and have some stuff in our heads that most people will never go through. That's honestly the key, find someone as fucked in the head as you are and it just kinda happens naturally.

I have booze, and that scares people
xDD

I'm trying to find someone that gets it.
I don't even care about relationships right now.
Its just needing someone that won't look at me weird, or be mad when I flip..
Or when my world falls down on me and I need help just to pick it back up..
Its just someone to keep me stable... ish
thats what I want..
its all I need right now

I've resorted to walking to dennys each night to sit there. just so I'm around people... so I'm stable enough, just enough, where I feel I'm gonna be okay.

and then I walk home when I feel like I'm gonna pass out, and then go to sleep for 3 hours, go to work for 8 1/2... then home for a half hour... then back to dennys

unless its mon/tues
cause... honestly theres no point to going when... one of those waiters aren't there and those are his days off.

everyone else would look at me weird and ask me to leave..
even if i tip well and don't bother anyone..

-is currently sippin' on some Jager-

Yeah I know the feeling. If I had a Denny's in walking distance I'd do that. I love Denny's. Especially late at night, we used to go there when me and an ex-friend got off of work at 1am.

What I used to do when I was at home and felt like that, is I'd go crawl up on my roof and smoke cigarettes until I felt less unstable. It's either that or I sit down on the ground and start doing crunches and push ups until my body passes out so my mind doesn't get a chance to be retarded with me.

Bar's are pretty good for that too. Especially if you become a regular.

never been to a bar, but Tony, the waiter at dennys, says he's gonna take me to one cause he wants to see me drunk.
=.=;

In would be drinkin, but its.. almost 9am here

I don't smoke, I guess I could work out...
I just tend to get lost in music, or find some way to hangout with someone... or start to slip back into something... bad.
my depression [one of many problems] is pretty bad, and I've had suicidal thoughts since I was at least 11... yesh I fight it, and yes I'm doing fine, but I worry myself when I can't find a way to remain stable...

It's 7:48am here! :D -starting early- lol

And aaw, that's awesome if you have someone to go with. xD As long as you can handle your liquor and can resist being pressured into that one more shot. xD

I know how that is. I've got a fair share of scars and attempts under my belt. As long as you're still waking up the next morning tho', I think you're doing ok. It's all about having a few tricks up your sleeve. Sometimes I paint, sometimes I drink, sometimes I chain smoke through a pack of cigs, sometimes I get to smoke a joint. Whatever shortcuts work for you, find them. It'll at least get you through the day.

i'm normally good, I've only ever been drunk once
and thats cause I was. D.O.N.E.
I thought I saw my cat, and he died this past Jan.
sooo i was like. yep fuck this.
I want to be gone.

idk... with tony though..
lol

I just.. I'm not good with bars... or drunks... or people I don't know in both those situations...

I always get through the day.
Always
I've made to many promises to to many people... and honestly...
thats the only thing keeping me alive,
I have nothing to live for...
and I'm not sure how to FIND something to live for..
soo

the promises I've made, is all I have right now.

Wow. You must've been... smashed. Not sure I've ever been so drunk I started seeing things. The only time reality's kinda shifted was when I took shrooms. xD Must've been an intense night of drinking for you, sorry it was such a weird/bad night for ya.

Does he seem like a good guy?

There is that, bars can get pretty skeevy at times. If you have someone who likes a drink, drag them along with you.

-gives you your honorary club badge- I feel ya on that. The one thing I can really think of other than that is that I'm an older sister, and even tho' my lil' sis doesn't want much to do with me that's always crawling under my skin somewhere. I've never had to promise her anything but ya know, that's my little girl. I gotta stay functioning enough for as long as I can so that I can help her achieve what she needs. I wish I could give you advice on getting your own drive and dreams but I'm still figuring that one out. In the mean time, party hard. <3

oh no, I hadn't even started drinking yet. but I got home and i was fucking smashed. for the first time ever... and it was well.. something.
xD

I'm pretty much an every drunk from what my friends said. screaming, crying, laughing, hitting things... i spoke more coherent tho..

Tony seems like an awesome guy. thats not the issue...
because of some family history... I don't go to bars for a reason. I'm not around large groups of drunk people for a reason.
I drink, for the most part, alone... for a reason.

and now he says, "hey ash, you said you;d never been to a bar? I'ma gonna take you to one... one of these days. Just cause it would be fun."

but he doesn't know a lot about me..
so I'm not sure if he would understand...

I know a couple people that like to drink... but I'd like one that would stay sober... just cause I don't trust myself all the time...

I can't party to hard cause of work...
annd I'm an only child.
so my dark days are pretty freakin dark.

I get by. doing what I have to.
and then its just one day at a time.
ya kno?

lol oh being smashed. I've had a few too many of those nights.

Well shit, I'm sorry that your relationship with alcohol got so fucked up. I don't know if it's for similar reasons but I got friends like that who have certain things they can and can not do with alcohol.

And take it slow. I'm sure if he's taken enough of an interest in you so far you could just ask him to be respectful of certain behaviors and take it from there. No need to go all in the first hang out time.

And you'd be better damn sure you have a sober person when you go out to a bar. [/never goes out without a DD]

Well one day at a time is all that anyone can ask for. Just keep kicking those feet and eventually you should break surface and breathe easier. No one ever said shit was gonna be easy, but that's kinda what makes it precious and appreciated. It'll just give you a straighter back and stronger shoulders in the end if you can keep doin' what you're doin'.

actually it wasn't that bad of an experience, being smashed i mean.
I remember 95% of it.. and even tho it was not a good moment for me... my friends had a good laugh.... and i laugh about it now.

And... I always planned on never drinking.
but things changed when my ex- room mate turned 21... and then.. well i didn't drink again until I was 21 a couple month later... and right now.. i'm about... a week sober
as weird as that is... and thats only cause i'm been at dennys all week

ha, tony is something else.
Idk if there is interest there... idk if I want there to be interest there
I just know I like hangin out at dennys while he is working cause I can just forget everything..

and I'm sure if I went to a bar I would explain to him that I might freak out a bit..
and try to explain why...
without making him turn into 'ima gonna kill some people'
cause he seems like the overly protective guy.. even if I am just a friend.

oh god yes, a DD or make sure the bar tender takes the keys and has the address written down for my house for a taxi
xDD

I don't want life to be easier, per say, I just want to stop dragging everyone I care about down with me... does that make sense?
Its like, when I talk about my depression... its like they feel bad, all the time. so I stop talking about it and then they freak...
so its a no win.. for me at all...

which in turn makes me feel worse for causing so many problems.

Hola Neirra. <3 :] Whatchu been up to?

And nothing much. Jamming to some Nicki Minaj. Getting frustrated about poses. The usual.

Mizzie; If the sober thing is good then good for you. <3 I usually have about a drink or two a night so. -shrugs- :3

-takes her rose colored sunglasses off- I know the reasons for going there aren't so awesome but it SOUNDS awesome. Especially 'cause I know they have a smoking section. Met the greatest old man there once. Loved his stories. So nice.

Just explain that some things make you uncomfortable and that he's under no obligation to certain behaviors and that maybe at some point you can get into it more but for now you just want to hang out. I mean I have trouble going to bars because guys have a habit of cornering me, but I didn't have to explain everything to the friends I went with, I just asked them "Hey, crowds like this kinda make me anxious, especially drunk crowds, so please bare with me and thank you, if someone could always be keeping me company it'd be greatly appreciated." Didn't have to go into more detail.

Pro-tip; always keep taxi money tucked away not near your wallet so you don't spend it on drinks. xD

I know that too, but we covered that part earlier. The whole same demons thing and a stiff drink. xD;;

hels, sober mizzie is okay... as long as she's around people...
like walking to dennys and back. I come home and pass out
no need to drink

Tonys kinda like that. Love his stories. He's done some pretty crazy stuff.

I'm not as good with talking to people.. unless its trough text.. cause the words never come out right when I'm speaking. So I wouldn't be able to explain anything even if he did ask. But yeah... he knows some of my issues already.

I need the corner booth at dennys cause I'm paranoid as all hell. I hate when the drunks come in when the bars close so he always sits them in a different section or I move, which ever is easier.
guys around my age I'm cool with, but theres a group of guys that are older men that are there all the time and I avoid them..
so just by him workin there and seeing me so much he knows somethings up with certain things... he just never asks why.

like when i'm overly stressed, my ocd acts up... and one day it was so bad I asked him to clear off my table. he just looked at me weird and did it for me and then I was starting to calm down...

I always have a safety net stash on my person just in case something happens.

-can't remember what I've said and what I haven't I guess-
sorry
v.v;

Aah, well that's good.

Tony seems like a kid I'd like to meet. I feel like he's got a good character.

xD I know how that is too. I've got essentially social anxiety disorder. I do all right tho', thanks to an awesome speech teacher I had. She helped me learn a few tools of the trade to at least pretend like I'm not freaking out and blurting out weird things. xD

Do you by chance hate phone calls? Because I hate them. xD

Mmmm. I see. I understand the paranoid tho'. I sleep with my back against the wall and my eyes on the door. If it has a lock it has to be locked. Can't really sleep any other way. I kinda do the same thing at booths but probably for a different reason. I like knowing my back's covered.

Yay for weird ocd behavior. I've got a few but nothing quite like that. I'm just glad he's willing to help you out with those moments.

What's a net stash? o.O

Nah, all I meant by that is that I wish I had some clever advice to add to that specific phrasing and extra detail but I really don't.

he does have good character. he says he's a heartless asshole but i don't see it.

i think you'd like him. from what I can tell of you, and from what i know of him you'd probably get along nicely

for the most part, i've got control... I do weird things, but most of the time I do them in ways no one notices. unless they've known me for a while.

I HATE PHONE CALLS
I avoid phone calls

I walk into a place, and try to know all the exits before I sit down. I need my back covered as well and I hat having people pop up behind me.
I sit in the corner booth, with my back against the side wall... its that bad.

but my apartment, is still not clean, cause my depression counters my ocd...
its fucking crazy when my ocd acts up at work tho... my coworkers laugh at me...

"safety net stash" a couple dollars, normally at least a twenty, in case I need something. a taxi or whatever...
my dad taught me that.
I always have some extra money just in case.

oh
XD

yesh, your advice was sound though..
I'm just in an opening up mood I guess...

^^;;

I hope you don't mind


Neirra you're all good, no worries
I missed your post earlier
good morning
^^

pretty good so far.. I've gotten two bundles and two of the none bundled items
^^

they are really awesome
the one bundle will be really good with the brave victory.
^^

I don't think I'll be changing my avi any time soon
but I'll be editing on my mule
xDD

Neirra; Nah. It's a public forum. :] The beauty of a forum is that we can talk about a ton of stuff at the same time! My thread is a safe open place. :3

Mizzie; They all say that. <3 And they usually end up the best of people.

Bad ass. I'll have to come visit you on one of your night wanderings and chill with you at the booth and just make a scene. lol

High five! :D My friends hate me for it. But I've already told them up front that if they call me, I'll just watch my phone go off until they're done calling and if I'm in the mood I'll text "what's up?" and that's it. xD

I do the same thing. A little paranoid yeah, but it helps out and that's all that matters. You're the only one living in your own skin.

The clearest way my OCD manifest is with chess pieces. That's something I get made fun of for. I LOVE chess, but the pieces have to be perfectly and symmetrically inside of their own scares. And my DB friends will start moving them around every time asking me "does this bother you?" and I'm half tempted to shove the pieces down their throats. xD

I also have to have book edges on a shelf lined up perfectly to each other and the edge of the shelf.

Oooh okay. For a second I thought it was a weapon and I was like "... she carries a net on her? That's a little hard to hide isn't it?"

And it's all good. I'm all ears as long as you're wanting to share. :3 I may not always have something substantial to respond with, but I'll try.

Hels, not all of them are the best of people but most of them really are.

where do you live? xD
It might be quite the trip to come see me.

My friends hate me for it too. I never answer phone calls, unless its at a weird time, or if I'm expecting news on something. Otherwise I text.
Always text.
but my phone has been acting funny. soo I need a new one..
x.x;

"You're the only one living in your own skin"
Thats so true. But people just don't get why I do it.
the first time one of my friends noticed me looking at exits and such they asked what I was doing. I said
"Its just a thing.. I need to know the exits before I go it. Like where they are and the fastest why out from my seat. I've always been this way..."

they looked at me funny but dropped it.

"does this bother you?"

That question, makes me want to stab people.
most people learn the first time they are around me not to ask that when I freak...

i can't even look at my books without twitching.
when i lived at home they were by author, by series, and if it was a single shot book, by name if there happened to be more then one by the same author

so it went. books in series on one case, By authors last name, then by Series name.

One shot books on another case, by author and then by book name...

but when i moved out.. i lost half my books... half the series of some series etc.
and I had a LOT of books.... I don't even know all the ones that are missing.

when my dad and I talk about it were normally out and about and he uses "safety net" instead announcing to the world that I have extra cash. its just how he is.

just having someone to listen... without being judged, or without me causing their emotions to get wrecked is nice

Neirra; I'm gonna start calling you Nym. I don't know why but it seems fitting. :3

Also; avi's blocks aren't fine but judging by your last save you're doin' all right. xD

i like the one you have now
owo

ooo
that one is cleaver too

Mizzie;

Haha, yeah, I meant that as a stereotypical generilzation. And fuck it, I'm not even gonna fix the spelling on that.

And the lovely state of Texas. xD

My favorite time is when I legit loose my phone so I can be like "well, didn't have my phone". It drives them crazy and it's always an event when I do pick up the phone but fuck it, I warned them. xD

Well it's true. Some people can be amazingly empathetic and really kinda get to your core but at the end of the day it's just you in there (unless of course you have multiple personalities or something like that. I had a friend who had a split personality. They've melded together recently.)

OMG tell me about it. They all seem to think it's funny but they never realize how close to bashing them in the head I am. xD

-high fives- I'm so glad we organize books the same way.

And that's actually really clever of your dad. I think I'm gonna start using that.

Well I'm here if you need it. I've got a good deal of my own bit of crazy so I'm not exactly in a place to throw stones, even if there were any to throw at you. xD

My recommendation for that is to pick two colors you're super into right now and then just buying as many items as you can comfortably afford at the time and just go on a spree!

well its a very good one.

I love Texas, except for the heat.
I live in New York.. upstate not the city.

I barely ever lose my phone, unless my sofa eats it while I'm sleeping.
but i find it as soon as i wake up.
I know the people I should answer and the ones that will either leave a message or know to text me. if something is really important. they call. leave a message. and then I enter "mother hen" mood and freak out.
i normally only get calls when someone goes into the hospital

I actually tend to hit people... >.>;

he is one of the smartest people i know.
I work with him
so I get to see him alot
thats really nice
^^

And the same for you, I'm a good listener.
A tad bit crazy sometimes... but I'm good at understand a lot cause I've been through a lot

that could look really pretty Neirra

i've got the thing for white/black and the special blue-purple ish color
xD

BUY EVERYTHING! O-O

Mizzie; Tell me about it. I'm originally from europe and moving here was hell. The first Texas summer I experienced almost killed me. xD I'm a Texan girl tho', I've lived here long enough to be one now.

The only place I've been is the city. And I fell in love. And I fond out that apparently in their youth both of my parents had lived in NYC.


Yeah, that's kinda my protocol. Call if emergency, or leave a message if it's important.

Then you are a braver woman than I. xD

Well tell him for me I think he's a smart man. lol

's generally how it goes. As I say; kindness can only be understood through pain. Happiness is easy to spot, understanding pain, is the most difficult challenge we face as human beings.